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Q: I'm breastfeeding and during my lunch hour I go to the ladies lounge, set up for that purpose, and express my milk. However, the lounge is often occupied, for non-nursing purposes. A co-worker made a sign stating the time I'd need the room, but some people were offended and complained.
I was called to the Human Resource office, given a copy of the compliance laws regarding nursing mothers in the workplace, and informed that if the room is occupied, I need to use another room on a different floor from my office.
I'm not allowed to use a bathroom stall, since that's unsanitary.
I get the impression the company wishes for me to end my nursing needs. What are my rights?
Miserable Mom
A: You have a right to know the company's policy (done) and to seek an explanation (ask). You also have a right to complain if you feel it's unfair. You'd have more clout if you could find some supportive co-workers.
On your own, try to determine, as objectively as possible, if going to another floor once daily, when necessary, is really unfair treatment. If you still believe so – and if there's any evidence of other anti-nursing attitudes on the part of management, you may want to consider a human rights complaint.
Search the Internet for the human rights legislation in your jurisdiction to determine if your next step is to seek some legal advice.
Q: I'm an unusual guy – I keep messing up my relationships on purpose. I meet great women, but inevitably push them away. I can't seem to stop this.
In Turmoil
A: Your modus operandi is more common than you think. It's the strategy of people who don't believe they deserve happiness, so set out to destroy it. A therapist can help you discover who and what planted this negative self-image in you, but only you can decide if you're willing to try to change the pattern.
Q: I'm 23, in a three-year long-distance relationship – we see each other most weekends.
Though my boyfriend is loving, kind and respectful, when we're apart I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be single. I'm attracted to every passing good-looking guy (and one co-worker in particular), and they're often attracted to me, which feels great.
My daydreams about my co-worker make me feel guilty, though I don't even flirt with him.
I may finally be able to move to the city where my boyfriend is posted (he's in the military), but I feel I should first figure out whether being together would make me forget about these thoughts.
Wandering Eye
A: The answer is before your roving eyes: You're not ready for a full-time commitment. It would be a far greater hurt to your boyfriend for you to move there and then change your mind, than to postpone getting together.
You're restless – which is fairly common in a long relationship that started while young. Deal with it now: Take a break. It's the only honest way to confront your own feelings and ensure you don't make a mistake that will be far more complicated and painful to undo later.
It means telling your guy that though you appreciate everything about him, you lack the experience and conviction to take the relationship to the next, serious step.
It also means he, too, should decide if he's ready for a long-term commitment, a.k.a. both of you are free to date others. Live with that thought awhile, then talk to him about this.
Tip of the Day Company policy can be better questioned if you get thoroughly informed.
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email
ellie@thestar.ca. See ellieadvice.com. Ellie hosts Outlaw Inlaws on Slice TV.
